I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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