Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
