Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
