We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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