Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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