Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
