Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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