You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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