spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
