At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
