So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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