hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I just sharted jello shots
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