Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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