Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
from now on my penis is your penis
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
