I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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