Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
