Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
