4 words: hood of his car
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
