He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
