ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
