She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
