So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize