My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
