Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
