everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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