I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
