Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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