Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
