um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up under a house in Key West
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
