you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
