i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
