I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
