How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
