Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
