I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
