Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My feet surprised me
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