On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
