The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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