My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
