Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
