ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
