my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
