She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
