Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
