Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Randomize
