If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
