HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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