Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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