I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
