Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
