I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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