he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
