He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
