I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
