What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
