just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
