i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
