Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
