PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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