so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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