Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
