its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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