Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
