So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
