Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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