come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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