try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
