God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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